High Heels and Sarcastic Comments
by ErinAbernathy
Summary: HAYMITCH/EFFIE...just a series of Hayffie one-shots based around random ideas I have and songs that make me think of Hayffie :) Characters (unless I create any) belong to Suzanne Collins and all songs belong to their respective artists :) Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1- Stay

**Just an idea I had a couple months ago and finally got round to writing it! I have a playlist of songs on my iPod that remind me of Haymitch and Effie's 'relationship'. I decided I would write one-shots based on some of the songs. The individual stories probably wont be long, but there's gonna be a load of chapters anyway :) and if you have any Hayffie song requests, leave them in a review and I'll research the song and write it up :)**

**The first one is based on 'Stay' by Rihanna.**

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Stay

Haymitch felt Effie's grip on his arm tighten as she fought to escape the nightmare she was experiencing.

Effie was in District 12 on one of her monthly visits. She wasn't legally obliged to travel to the district, she just felt it her duty to check up on Katniss and Peeta to make sure they were okay. She also made an effort to keep Haymitch right for a few days. He welcomed her to stay in his home. Loathe as he was to admit it, he liked her company.

However, in her 6 most recent visits, she always seemed to find her way into his bed. She said he helped her with the nightmares. She always tried to sleep in her own bed, but Haymitch would hear a light tap on his door at 2 or 3am every night and Effie would appear in his doorway, fear evident in her eyes. He'd move over to make room for her but somehow she'd end up curled right by his side. After the first few times she did this, Haymitch admitted defeat and slung his arms around her.

Haymitch soon came to realize he only ever slept while she was there. She knew he helped with her nightmares. Little did she know, she helped with his too.

Over time, they realised they were as broken as each other. So when Haymitch asked her to stay, she didn't hesitate in answering 'yes'.


	2. Chapter 2- Truth or Dare

**So I've changed my initial idea and decided this is where I'll put all my Hayffie oneshots :D this one is based on prompt 17 of the Hayffie Challenge on Tumblr called 'The Game'**

**There's one bad word in this chapter :P**

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Haymitch, I don't think that's appropriate," Effie's eyes shifted nervously to the floor at her feet.  
"You asked for a dare," the mentor smirked. "So I've given you one. And if you wanna even out our scores, you should do it."  
Effie narrowed her eyes at him as the competitive side only Haymitch knew she had threatened to overtake her.  
"Alright."

Their simple game of truth and dare had begun one particularly dull evening during Katniss and Peeta's Victory Tour. Effie couldn't sleep and Haymitch was the only person still awake on the train.  
Of course, Effie grumbled to herself when she walked into the living area of the train and found the District 12 mentor slouched in a chair.  
"Shouldn't you be asleep?" Haymitch said, staring at the half-empty glass of whiskey in his hand.  
"I can't. There's too much to do," Effie began to get flustered, waving her hands erratically as she spoke. "There're arrangements for the party at the President's mansion, I'm barely scheduled for the next two weeks, I need to organize gifts for the mayors of each district, I-"  
"Let's play a game," Haymitch looked up at the crazed escort.  
"I beg your pardon?"  
"I dunno. It'll both pass the time and shut you up."  
Effie sat beside him.  
"What kind of game?"  
"How about," Haymitch shifted in his seat to face Effie. "A little game the kids in 12 play. Ever heard of truth or dare?"  
Effie's eyes widened, "I've heard that such a game can become extremely uncouth! I would never play that!"  
"What's the worst that could happen?"  
I...fine," Effie admitted defeat. "Go ahead."

Two hours passed with the two of them firing truths or dares at one another. Although Effie usually leaned towards truths, Haymitch still found ways to play her by asking her some rather personal questions. Perhaps it was because he knew Effie had been raised to never lie. Effie found herself flushing crimson at some of Haymitch's questions, especially when he began asking her how many people she'd slept with. But Effie being Effie, she answered honestly.  
"Two?!" Haymitch guffawed. "In the last year or..?"  
"Truth or dare, Haymitch?" Effie interrupted him, trying to change such a personal topic as quickly as possible.  
"Dare."  
"Alright."  
Effie already knew her dares had been lacking. But Haymitch seemed amused enough with making her uncomfortable. However, the hour was late and Effie wanted his final dare to be something spectacular.  
"Give me a moment," she said, chewing om her thumbnail as she tried to piece together something appropriate yet humiliating for her District 12 partner. Effie's eyes darted around the room, searching for inspiration. Then she found it.  
Standing slowly, she made her way over to the minibar. Haymitch eyed her suspiciously, wondering what the woman was up to. His heart fell into his stomach when she announced his dare.  
"Okay, Haymitch," Effie said, turning back to face Haymitch and holding up a bottle of Haymitch's particular favourite liquor. "For your dare, you must take this bottle and pour the entire contents down the sink."  
"Hold on," Haymitch pleaded. "Why can't I just pour the entire contents down my neck? What you're suggesting is...well, it's just fucking criminal!"  
"Ah ah ah!" Effie giggled, thrusting the bottle into Haymitch's hand. "A dare is a dare. Now, up up up! We must go to the kitchen."  
Haymitch scowled at the back of Effie's head as he followed her to the dining car of the train. Effie graciously held the door open for him and allowed him to step into the kitchen.  
Haymitch made his way to the sink and had his hand closed around the cap of the bottle. Effie stood uncomfortably close to him, ensuring he carried out the dare to the letter.  
Haymitch unscrewed the cap and tipped the bottle upside down. He watched, crestfallen, as the contents of the bottle sloshed noisily down the sink. Once the bottle was empty, he slammed it down on the counter and turned to look at Effie, who stood with a smirk on her face.  
"That wasn't so difficult, was it?" Effie trilled, exuding an air of self-satisfaction.  
"I've got one last dare for you," Haymitch said quickly.  
"Oh?" Effie looked at him intently.  
He wasn't sure where the notion had came from. Most likely the fact he wanted to humiliate her even further.  
"Yep," he smirked. "One more. Then we'll call it a draw."  
"Go on."  
"Kiss me."

"Excuse me?" Effie eyed him cautiously.  
"You heard."  
"Haymitch, I don't think that's appropriate," Effie's eyes shifted nervously to the floor at her feet.  
"You asked for a dare," the mentor smirked. "So I've given you one. And if you wanna even out our scores, you should do it."  
Effie narrowed her eyes at him as the competitive side only Haymitch knew she had threatened to overtake her.  
"Alright."  
She'd be kidding herself if she said she hadn't always wondered what it would be like to kiss him. This really wasn't how she'd imagined it, but her own words echoed in her head.  
A dare is a dare.  
Throwing caution to the wind, she reached up on tiptoe and lightly kissed him.  
As she pulled away, she say him looking down at her. She'd already precicted his next move just by the look in his eye, so she grabbed him by the shirt collar and pulled him back to her.  
Effie stopped when she felt his hands sliding up her back.  
"Happy now?" Effie said, leaning back slightly even though Haymitch's arms had wrapped themselves around her waist.  
"I'm indifferent," Haymitch smiled. "I have a proposition."  
"What now?" Effie sighed.  
"Those two people you've slept with..." he paused for suspense. "How about we turn that into 3?"  
"HAYMITCH!" Effie shrieked, planting her hands firmly on his chest and shoving him away. "You are an abomination!"  
"Just kidding, princess."  
He laughed as she stalked out of the kitchen in one of her usual fits of anger. But what Effie didn't realise was that Haymitch hadn't been kidding at all.

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**I'm really willing to take song or prompt requests, so leave them jn a review or private message me :)**


	3. Chapter 3- A District 12 Christmas

**This isn't based off any prompt or song :P I was inspired by the fact I had to put up a Christmas tree on my own today, so I thought it'd be funny to look at Effie trying to teach Haymitch about Christmas and some of the traditions involved... *cough*mistletoe*cough***

**Enjoy!**

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**A District 12 Christmas**

He had no logical idea as to why he'd agreed. Maybe he'd felt sorry for the woman.  
No, he was Haymitch Abernathy. He didn't feel sorry for her.  
Why, then, had he offered her a place for Christmas? It was a question he'd been asking himself for the past 2 weeks since she brought it up during their final days of the Victory Tour.

"I've never seen snow before," Effie sighed, gazing out the train window at the trees of District 7. "Real snow, I mean."  
"Mm," Haymitch responded, replenishing the supply of liquor in his glass from his silver flask.  
"What's it like? Tell me about it."  
Haymitch rolled his eyes, "Why don't you just come to 12 and see it for yourself?"  
He'd meant it sarcastically, of course, but Effie Trinket was a woman who took most things literally.  
"Oh, Haymitch, I would simply love to!"  
"Wait-"  
"I wouldn't be any trouble, of course," she continued, ignoring his objection. "It'll be so nice to spend Christmas with friends!"  
Haymitch sputtered his liquor all over the coffee table in front of him, earning a disapproving glance from Effie.  
"Christmas?" He repeated her words. "I don't do Christmas, princess."  
"Oh, but it's simply wonderful!" Effie sighed. "I am going to make it my obligation for you to celebrate Christmas this year."  
"There alcohol involved? Usually comes hand in hand with celebrating."  
"There's more to it than that, Haymitch," Effie said, exasperated. "There's parties and decorations and lights…oh the lights are marvellous! And there's gifts and singing and snow-"  
"Save it," Haymitch held up his hand to silence her. "Fine, you can come to 12 for Christmas."

It was December 24th when she arrived in District 12, along with 7 suitcases.  
"What's all this?" Haymitch said, gesturing to the suitcases in his hall as Effie draped her ridiculous fur coat over the banister. "You're only here a week."  
"3 of these cases contain my clothes and shoes," Effie grinned.  
"And the other 4?"  
"Decorations!"  
"Trinket, if you think for one second you're covering my house in Capitol shit, you can get on the next train home."  
"Haymitch!" Effie gasped. "Your house is bleak as it is, it could use a little lightening up. As could you!"  
Haymitch muttered under his breath and walked into the lounge. Effie followed soon after.  
"Ah, yes," she said, spreading her arms and gesturing towards the bay window in the lounge. "That's the perfect spot for the tree!"  
"Tr-what the hell are you talking about?"  
"You don't know a thing, do you?"  
"Does it look like I do?"  
"Well, that's why I'm here," Effie smiled. "First things first, we need to clear some space. I see Hazelle's been cleaning for you."  
"Actually, I did that myself. Figured you'd be complaining enough while you're here, so I made it one less thing for you to complain about."  
"Well let's get to work on that tree then!"

Haymitch thought initially that Effie wanted him to hike into the forest behind outside District 12 and cut down a tree himself. He breathed a sigh of relief when Effie heaved the largest suitcase into his living room and proceeded to open it.  
Inside, there appeared to be a mass of green foliage and branches. She took it out in sections, 4 in all, and laid them out on the floor. Haymitch watched as she picked up the first section, the largest, and began to fan out all the individual branches.  
"Are you going to stand there all day, Haymitch?" Effie said, without looking up.  
Haymitch sat down on the sofa closest to the window.  
"Nah," he smirked. "I'll sit here all day instead."  
"But-"  
"You brought all this stuff. You can do it yourself."  
Effie growled audibly, but made no argument. Instead, she carried on assembling the Christmas tree.

Two hours later, she stepped back to admire her work. Haymitch had fallen asleep somewhere between Effie finishing the assembly and starting on the baubles. Her loud sigh of either achievement or exhaustion woke him up.  
"Jesus," he muttered, taking in the 6ft tree covered in pink and silver baubles.  
"Isn't it beautiful," Effie grinned.  
"Princess, you and me have very different definitions of 'beautiful'. It looks like someone ate a ton of your damn Capitol food then threw up on a bush."  
"Oh, you certainly have quite a way with words."  
"I try my best," he winked at her, causing her to blush slightly.  
"But I can't get the star on the top of the tree," Effie flustered, holding up a simple gold star. "Here, pick me up so I can reach."  
"Huh?"  
"You told me to do all the decorating myself, Haymitch. Lift me up so I can put the star on."  
Haymitch sighed and picked her up, closing his arms around her waist.  
"Higher, I can't reach!"  
He lifted her higher and almost overbalanced. Luckily, she jumped down from his arms before he toppled over.  
"Perfect!" she exclaimed, staring up at the glittering star that clashed horribly with the pink and silver décor.  
"Are you done?" Haymitch asked hopefully.  
"No, there's still 3 more cases of decorations!"  
"You're not…actually, you know what? Do what you want. I'm going out."  
With that, he left the house and headed to the bar.

He could see his house all the way from the end of the road leading to the Victors' Village. It seemed Effie had filled all the windows on the front with flickering lights.  
"Damn woman," he grumbled, staggering up the path and pushing through the front door.  
He pushed the front door open and stood in the doorway to the lounge, staring at the glittering disaster his living room had become.  
"What the hell have you done?" He growled at Effie, who was suddenly blushing profusely. "And what the fuck is wrong with you?"  
"You…uh," her eyes shifted to something above Haymitch's head as she walked towards him.  
Haymitch followed her gaze up to the bunch of leaves hanging in the doorway.  
"It's just leaves, Trinket, what-" he stopped when he glanced back down and realised she was stood less than a foot away from him.  
"There's a tradition," she said quietly.  
"I don't do tradition."  
"I do," she smiled before reaching up and kissing him. When she pulled away, he was looking at her curiously.  
"That's the tradition, huh?"  
"Yes," she stared down at her feet, embarrassed.  
"Interesting," he said, brushing a loose strand from her wig behind her ear. "I like this tradition."  
"Good," she smiled, before kissing him again.  
This time, Haymitch kissed her back. He was unsure whether it was the alcohol in his system or Effie's lack of better judgement, but they somehow ended up in his bed.

Effie lay beside Haymitch, resting her head on his arm. She wasn't sure how she felt about what had just happened between herself and the District 12 mentor and she wasn't sure whether she regretted it. She'd figure it out in the morning.  
"What time is it?" she said.  
"2am," Haymitch replied, glancing at the clock on the bedside table.  
"Huh. Christmas day," Effie smiled. "Merry Christmas, Haymitch."  
"Merry Christmas, princess."


	4. Chapter 4- Scars

**This was a prompt from a friend who suggested Effie walking in on Haymitch getting changed! she also suggested I write one the other way round (Haymitch walking in on Effie) so I may write that up too later on :D**

**Remember, I'm accepting prompts so feel free to message me or leave a review with your ideas :)**

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"Haymitch Abernathy, you open this door right now!"

Effie had been pounding on his door for the past ten minutes, to the point where her hand had gone numb. It was five minutes past nine in the morning, meaning he'd already put her 5 minutes off schedule.

"Don't make me come in there!" She threatened. She could hear movement behind the door, so she knew he was up and about. He was just being an ass to her. As usual.

Slowly, out loud, she began counting down from 30. When she reached 0, she pushed open the door.

She opened her mouth to shout at him, but instead yelped in surprise.

Haymitch stood with his back to her, holding up a shirt clearly forced upon him by Cinna and analysing it carefully. But that wasn't what caused her to scream.

Haymitch was wearing nothing but his pants.

He turned around and smirked at her.

"Really, Trinket, you should have knocked," he said.

"I've been knocking for the past 10 minutes, you insufferable man!" She exclaimed, trying and failing to keep her eyes off the scar that ran across his abdomen.

Haymitch followed her gaze then looked back up at her.

"Surely you know it's rude to stare," he smirked, mocking her stance on bad manners.

"I just…what is that?" She asked before quickly covering her mouth with her hand. "I'm sorry, that was highly rude of me."

Haymitch waved it off. "You remember my Games, right?"

"Not really," Effie admitted. She'd watched them, of course, but she'd only been five years old when he'd won.

"Huh," he shrugged. "Took an axe to the stomach. That was fun."

"Oh, Haymitch…"

"I won in the end. Guess it was worth it…somehow."

Effie stepped toward him and reached out her hand to touch his scar, before realising her actions and withdrawing her hand. Now that she was closer to him, she could see multiple other scars across his chest.

"You have so many," she muttered.

"Yeah, some from my Games. Most from drunken accidents. Like this one," he pointed to a pale scar across his collarbone. "From that time I fell through that glass door at one of those stupid Capitol parties."

"You ought to stop drinking. There wont be much of you left at this rate."

"Nah, I kinda like drinking."

Effie narrowed her eyes, signalling that their brief moment of actual meaningful conversation was over.

"Get ready," she said, stepping back. "We leave in twenty minutes."

With that, she turned on her heel and left the room, pulling the door closed behind her.


	5. Chapter 5- The Party

**This was an idea I had with my sister where Haymitch gets kicked out of Snow's party and gets sent home early, then Effie comes back to the penthouse a little drunk...**

**Feel free to leave prompts for me in reviews or private messages :)**

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By 10pm on the night of the 74th Victory Tour party, Haymitch had been forcefully escorted from President Snow's mansion and sent back to his quarters in the penthouse to sober up again. He argued his corner, of course. In his alcohol-addled mind, vomiting in an expensive vase, falling onto one of the food tables and 'accidentally' tearing a woman's dress were all perfectly acceptable party-related activities. The overseer of the party, however, thought otherwise.

Once he'd been deposited by two Avoxes and a peacekeeper, Haymitch staggered over to the minibar in the penthouse in an effort to pour himself a drink. To his horror, he discovered not one drop of alcohol remained in any of the decanters or bottles.

"Shit," he mumbled to himself. So they really did want him to sober up. Admitting defeat, he made his way towards his bedroom and, not bothering to change out of his stupid blue suit, fell into his bed and dozed off.

"Mitch."

He tried to ignore the voice in his ear, but it was persistent.

"Haymitch," the voice seemed to be speaking in a sing-song tone. One he recognised very well.

He opened his eyes and turned over.

"Why are you here, Trinket?" he sighed. The way she giggled confirmed to him she's partaken in a few alcoholic drinks herself.

"You didn't ask me to dance at the party," she pouted.

"Um…" Haymitch looked at her, bemused. "Did you want me to?"

"It's only polite," she whispered, resting a hand on his chest. "If you had any good manners about you, you would ask me right now."

Haymitch glanced at the clock on the bedside table and sighed.

"It's 4am, sweetheart," he told her. "Go to bed."

"No."

"Well at least leave my room. For once, I'm actually trying to sleep."

"Haymitch," she whined. "Please?"

"No. And I don't dance. So stop asking."

"I'll teach you."

"Yeah, maybe another time," he mumbled, fully aware she wouldn't remember any of this in the morning.

Effie sighed and stood up. Haymitch expected her to leave, but was taken aback when she grabbed his arms and, with a strength she didn't appear to possess, hauled him to his feet.

"What the-" he started.

"Okay, first off, it's too dark in here," Effie said, finding the light switch and illuminating the room.

Haymitch was surprised to see Effie like he'd never seen her before. Wearing an old pink shirt that fell to her knees and no makeup or wig whatsoever, she actually looked like a regular person instead of the Capitol-painted clown he'd grown accustomed to.

As she made her way back to him, Haymitch noticed she was very unsteady on her feet.

She was drunk. Very.

"Effie," he sighed. "Go to bed, princess. You're drunk."

"Nonsense!" She giggled, pulling Haymitch's hands to rest on her waist. "Okay, keep your hands there."

Haymitch decided to just go along with it. He knew she wasn't going to let up, especially when she looped her arms around his neck.

However, Effie lost her balance and fell against his chest, causing him to fall backwards onto his bed. Effie didn't manage to unhook her arms from his shoulders and fell right on top of him. This caused her to break into a fit of giggles while Haymitch looked up at her, bemused by this incredible shift in Effie's personality. When she'd finally composed herself, she looked down at Haymitch and, after a moment's silence, spoke.

"I have a secret to tell you, Haymitch," she said, resting her forearms on his chest.

"Oh, joy," he shifted uncomfortably. "Is this a drunken confession, sweetheart?"

"No, no, I'm not drunk."

"Whatever. So what is it?"

"I think," Effie giggled, inching her face closer to his. "I think you're rather handsome and I very much like you."

"Oh jeez," Haymitch muttered.

"And I think you like me too, you're just making a very big thing of denying it to yourself."

At that moment, Effie closed the gap between them and pressed a kiss to his lips. Just as Haymitch had begun to kiss her back, she pulled away, nuzzled into his neck and fell asleep.

"Goodnight, Effie," he whispered, slightly scared yet thrilled with how his evening had transpired.

Careful not to wake her, he shifted her off him and edged the sheet over her shoulders, before taking his place next to her in bed and falling asleep.

He woke to the sound of a shrill scream from beside him.

"HAYMITCH ABERNATHY," Effie was staring at him, wide-eyed. "WHY ARE YOU IN MY BEDROOM, MUCH LESS IN MY BED?"

"Correction," Haymitch yawned. "You stumbled in here at 4am, woke me up, asked me to dance with you, then fell asleep."

He neglected to mention the kiss. He'd use that against her later. Right now, he was more concerned with coaxing an apology out of her for screaming at him.

Effie's gaze shifted around the room and, upon noticing several empty bottles and discarded shirts, tried to stammer out an apology.

"Don't worry about it," he smirked, pushing himself off the bed and walked towards the bathroom. "You more than made up for it with that kiss."

"…Excuse me?" Effie looked horrified.

"Oh, such a shame that you don't remember," Haymitch smiled and, determined to have the last word over Effie Trinket, walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.


End file.
